How I Lost Myself by Living for Others — And How Returning to My True Self Changed Everything

The Moment I Realized I Was Living Someone Else’s Life

For as long as I can remember, people tried to tell me what to do — and often, they actually did.

In high school and university, they told me which fields I had to choose to secure a “good job.” At work, they insisted I apply for “safe” positions, even if they drained me. In my business, they dictated the strategies, branding, and positioning I should follow.

When I discovered I was multipotentialite, they said: “You HAVE to choose. You can’t be a massage therapist AND a coach AND a Zumba instructor AND a writer.”

Stay in your lane. Don’t be friends with that person. Why haven’t you bought a house yet? They believed they were entitled to decide what was good for me — as if they knew better than I did.

How I Slowly Lost Myself

The hardest part is that, in many situations, I let them decide

Sometimes I rebelled because I knew, deeply, what I wanted. Other times, the part of me that wanted to be saved felt relieved to be “taken care of,” and the entrepreneur in me was eager to learn from more experienced business owners… even if I never liked being told what I should do.

I stepped outside of myself so many times that I eventually lost touch with who I was.

I thought the countless business programs I joined would give me THE method, THE key, THE path to success. Instead, they pulled me even further away from myself — until I burned out, both as an entrepreneur and as a parent.

My foundations weren’t strong or healthy. They were built on an identity that wasn’t even mine.

The First Time I Truly Came Back to Myself

Eventually, I chose to pause and take care of myself. It was my first real reconnection-to-self — my first true inner work.

For the first time, I felt good with myself. I felt serenity.

But my renewed foundations weren’t strong enough yet, and I fell back into the same patterns: letting mentors, coaches, collaborators, family, friends tell me what I should do and how I should do it.

And… I got lost again.

Each time that happened, I learned more about myself — my way of operating, my boundaries, my needs — but only on the surface.

I ping‑ponged like this for several years, until I finally committed to deep, uncomfortable, transformative inner work.

The Biggest Lesson: You Must Come Back to Yourself First

Here’s the truth I learned the hard way:

No matter what your challenge is, the solution is always the same — coming back to yourself first.

I’ve seen it in myself, in my clients, in so many people around me.

Coming back to yourself is the starting point for everything:

• caring for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally

• finding your voice, fire, genius again

• finding peace, joy, strength

• reconnecting to your dreams

• freeing yourself from social or peer pressure

• healing emotional wounds.

But I refused to see this truth for years because it wasn’t glamorous. It didn’t compete with business programs promising quick success. It doesn’t make you money — at least not immediately.

And another truth is:

The more you resist coming back to yourself to focus on making money, the longer the misalignment and the pain last. And you don’t make more money.

I lived that cycle for years.

Why I Created RenEssence

These experiences are what led me to create RenEssence — a play on Renaissance, the act of being reborn.

From the French words Renaître (to be reborn) + Essence, RenEssence is a 1‑on‑1 process where you soften, slow down, and are reborn from your essence — from who you are.

Because whatever you want to accomplish, whatever decision you want to make, whatever change you want to initiate, whatever pressure you want to free yourself from — especially when it feels huge or frightening — you must come back to your deep, true self.

It is the only path to living in your truth.

An Invitation to Explore Your Own Return to Self

I’ll tell you more about RenEssence soon. In the meantime, sit with this. Explore it. Be open to what it makes you feel — and even to what it makes you think.

Be an observer, not a judge, of the emotions, the sensations in your body, the internal dialogue sparked by the idea of “coming back to yourself.”

Share your reflections in the comments. You’re not alone in this beautiful process of expansion.

And remember: your life is yours.

With love, Véronique